P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
