Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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