Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
