You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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