I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
please come you make the beer taste better
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize