A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize