You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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