yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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