She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This is the high leading the old right now
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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