guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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