Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
