the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
