i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
