I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
