There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
