Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
