this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
