How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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