its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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