that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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