Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
