you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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