He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
