I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize