I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
