Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
