I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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