well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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