I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
