Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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