did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
