i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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