You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
