ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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