I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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