if you like me you must not know who I am
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
