Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
