oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
