so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You don't make any sense
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