tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
please don't ironically join a cult
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