i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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