My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
