Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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