i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
