I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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