So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
