Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
