Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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