i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
