Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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