how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize