Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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