So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize