I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
