I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm just crazy horny about you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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