so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
