did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
