dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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