OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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