dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
