There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
