no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
