Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
