Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
