so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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