just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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