i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She said her name was "party"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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