Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize