i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
