apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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