A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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